FS Review on Joey Ponzi
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{Things are getting boring again. We need some more laughs and controversy on this site, so here goes....}
So I guess most of you were probably as shocked as me when it turned out @JoeyPonzi wasn’t actually @Dixxi3_ . OMFG! How could our hero @JohnnyPunter get it so wrong? We all thought you had to be a moron not to realise it was her!
Anyway I thought, alright, maybe Johnny got that teeny tiny little detail wrong, but no way in hell is he wrong about Joey Ponzi being a female SW. It makes no sense any legitimate male member would be against Johnny. After all, he’s our punting God! Our Jesus Christ of written reviews! The self-proclaimed Messiah of SF and we all wouldn’t be here today and booking sex workers if he hadn’t graced us with his wonderful presence! Hallelujah! If he told us to kiss his arse we’d all be lining up asking which cheek first? You know it!
So being a Johnny Punter simp and one of his biggest cheerleaders, I figured I’d go hunt down the real Joey Ponzi myself. Someone had to do it. Thought it might as well be me.
I went digging through profiles on SF and AF, trying to spot a working girl whose posts really seem like that of a man. Because Joey’s posts really do seem like a guy behind the keyboard. So we’re talking about a SWer here with some real skills when it comes to impersonating a male.
Then boom, I found her. Josie. I mean come on… Josie Ponzi? That couldn’t be a coincidence, right? You look at her pics and you’d think only an absolute muppet wouldn’t put two and two together. So I booked her straight up and drove all the way to Auckland to see her.
So there she was. Māori, big fat arse. Big boobs. But they are a bit saggy, which was a bit of a let down. More like man boobs. And she’s got a moustache too, so that’s how I know I’m on the right track. But I’m not giving myself away yet. I wanna make sure without a shadow of a doubt I’ve found Joey.
I asked her if she’d ever been on SF. She goes, “yeah I go there regularly but I’m just lurking, seeing if anyone’s reviewed me”
Then I asked, “has Johnny Punter ever visited you?”
She goes, “yep, heaps of times. Always going on about how tasty my anus is. And he always pees on me which is kinda gross, because the ammonia level in his urine is off the charts and stinks out the room afterwards. I have to open all the windows and spray air freshener. But he’s a lovely guy, really. He isn’t the misogynist, egotistical, chauvinistic jerk you see on SF. That's all an act. He's a real sensitive new-aged guy!”
I thought, holy fuck, I’m getting close to exposing Joey. So I asked if he’s ever reviewed her.
And she started crying going, “no he hasn’t.” The tears flowed forth. “He reviews everyone except me. Says he cares too much to write humiliating details about me like he does other SWers, but he just won’t commit to me because he refuses to give up his punting ways.”
Mmm. That didn’t sound like someone out for revenge running a fake profile, but I still wasn’t fully convinced she wasn’t Joey. Maybe she was a woman scorned?
Anyway I backed off the questions so she wouldn’t get suspicious, and we got down to business… except something seemed off downstairs. That pussy didn’t look right. And she had a hairy asshole. I just stared at it thinking nope. I ain’t going anywhere near any of that.
So I said, “Damn it Joey— Josie, are you really a woman?”
She stared at me going red. “I am now.”
I told her no wonder your posts on SF sound like a guy.
The she stared at me blankly. “Sorry? What? I’ve never posted on SF”
At first I was stunned but then that paranoid side of me that always comes out in situations like this fired back. “Come on. You’re Joey Ponzi! Admit it! I know you are.”
“I’m not Joey Ponzi! I don’t even know who Joey Ponzi is. Isn’t that some kind of pyramid scheme?”
“Come on, Joey! I’d have to be of super low intelligence not to know that’s who you are! Johnny rejected your love, gave you a bad review and now you’re on SF pretending to be a guy just to harass him!”
She replied, “I tell you, he’s never reviewed me! Just look at all his reviews. None of them are for a Josie.”
“Then you must have changed your name! You’re one of the other girls he’s reviewed. For all I know you could be a Winter/Rain alt account!”
“I told you he never reviewed me!” Joey says. “And I’ve met Winter/Rain. She’s someone entirely different. But I do know she didn’t much like Johnny when he booked her one time. So I guess she could be this Joey Ponzi guy in disguise."
At that point my head was spinning. Maybe I was wrong all along and this was not Joey Ponzi. I wasn’t sticking around to figure it out. I got dressed and bailed. Made like a tree and got outta there.
So sorry, folks. I wasn’t able to expose Joey Ponzi this time around. Maybe someone else can give it a go.
Looks: 4/10
Body: 1/10
Sex: Wasn't game to try.
Anus flavour: Wasn't game to sample
Overall experience: 1/10.
So I guess most of you were probably as shocked as me when it turned out @JoeyPonzi wasn’t actually @Dixxi3_ . OMFG! How could our hero @JohnnyPunter get it so wrong? We all thought you had to be a moron not to realise it was her!
Anyway I thought, alright, maybe Johnny got that teeny tiny little detail wrong, but no way in hell is he wrong about Joey Ponzi being a female SW. It makes no sense any legitimate male member would be against Johnny. After all, he’s our punting God! Our Jesus Christ of written reviews! The self-proclaimed Messiah of SF and we all wouldn’t be here today and booking sex workers if he hadn’t graced us with his wonderful presence! Hallelujah! If he told us to kiss his arse we’d all be lining up asking which cheek first? You know it!
So being a Johnny Punter simp and one of his biggest cheerleaders, I figured I’d go hunt down the real Joey Ponzi myself. Someone had to do it. Thought it might as well be me.
I went digging through profiles on SF and AF, trying to spot a working girl whose posts really seem like that of a man. Because Joey’s posts really do seem like a guy behind the keyboard. So we’re talking about a SWer here with some real skills when it comes to impersonating a male.
Then boom, I found her. Josie. I mean come on… Josie Ponzi? That couldn’t be a coincidence, right? You look at her pics and you’d think only an absolute muppet wouldn’t put two and two together. So I booked her straight up and drove all the way to Auckland to see her.
So there she was. Māori, big fat arse. Big boobs. But they are a bit saggy, which was a bit of a let down. More like man boobs. And she’s got a moustache too, so that’s how I know I’m on the right track. But I’m not giving myself away yet. I wanna make sure without a shadow of a doubt I’ve found Joey.
I asked her if she’d ever been on SF. She goes, “yeah I go there regularly but I’m just lurking, seeing if anyone’s reviewed me”
Then I asked, “has Johnny Punter ever visited you?”
She goes, “yep, heaps of times. Always going on about how tasty my anus is. And he always pees on me which is kinda gross, because the ammonia level in his urine is off the charts and stinks out the room afterwards. I have to open all the windows and spray air freshener. But he’s a lovely guy, really. He isn’t the misogynist, egotistical, chauvinistic jerk you see on SF. That's all an act. He's a real sensitive new-aged guy!”
I thought, holy fuck, I’m getting close to exposing Joey. So I asked if he’s ever reviewed her.
And she started crying going, “no he hasn’t.” The tears flowed forth. “He reviews everyone except me. Says he cares too much to write humiliating details about me like he does other SWers, but he just won’t commit to me because he refuses to give up his punting ways.”
Mmm. That didn’t sound like someone out for revenge running a fake profile, but I still wasn’t fully convinced she wasn’t Joey. Maybe she was a woman scorned?
Anyway I backed off the questions so she wouldn’t get suspicious, and we got down to business… except something seemed off downstairs. That pussy didn’t look right. And she had a hairy asshole. I just stared at it thinking nope. I ain’t going anywhere near any of that.
So I said, “Damn it Joey— Josie, are you really a woman?”
She stared at me going red. “I am now.”
I told her no wonder your posts on SF sound like a guy.
The she stared at me blankly. “Sorry? What? I’ve never posted on SF”
At first I was stunned but then that paranoid side of me that always comes out in situations like this fired back. “Come on. You’re Joey Ponzi! Admit it! I know you are.”
“I’m not Joey Ponzi! I don’t even know who Joey Ponzi is. Isn’t that some kind of pyramid scheme?”
“Come on, Joey! I’d have to be of super low intelligence not to know that’s who you are! Johnny rejected your love, gave you a bad review and now you’re on SF pretending to be a guy just to harass him!”
She replied, “I tell you, he’s never reviewed me! Just look at all his reviews. None of them are for a Josie.”
“Then you must have changed your name! You’re one of the other girls he’s reviewed. For all I know you could be a Winter/Rain alt account!”
“I told you he never reviewed me!” Joey says. “And I’ve met Winter/Rain. She’s someone entirely different. But I do know she didn’t much like Johnny when he booked her one time. So I guess she could be this Joey Ponzi guy in disguise."
At that point my head was spinning. Maybe I was wrong all along and this was not Joey Ponzi. I wasn’t sticking around to figure it out. I got dressed and bailed. Made like a tree and got outta there.
So sorry, folks. I wasn’t able to expose Joey Ponzi this time around. Maybe someone else can give it a go.
Looks: 4/10
Body: 1/10
Sex: Wasn't game to try.
Anus flavour: Wasn't game to sample
Overall experience: 1/10.
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