Kiara Review (Indian) - Feeling Adventurous… and Regretfully Fed
- Nov 12, 2024
- 5
- 20
- 3
Feeling Adventurous… and Regretfully Fed
So I’ve been feeling a little adventurous lately, and finally mustered up the courage to try something different. And what better way to satisfy my curious cravings than by sampling a bit of Indian cuisine?
The Venue – 133 Vincent (aka “DD the Lounge”)
First off, the entrance is about as discreet as a marching band at a funeral. There’s a high chance you’ll bump into fellow punters, which makes for some award-winning eye contact.
The room comes with a bathtub/shower combo – though it’s less “luxury spa” and more “1998 motel trying its best.” Compared to other establishments I’ve visited (like those slick Grey Lynn apartments where SC runs the show), this one’s more “utility over beauty.” It’s basically: Get in, do your business, and leave before you start questioning your life choices.
If you’re after ambiance, vibes, or anything remotely Instagrammable… this ain’t it, chief.
The Menu – Slightly Spicy, Definitely Aged
Let’s talk about the star of the show.The ad claimed she was 22. Which, to be fair, we all know is often more of a theoretical number than a factual one – but most places at least aim for “close enough.” Not here.
Door opens and BAM – I instantly knew I was in for an experience. She looked like she’d just come from a PTA meeting, not a perfume ad. We’re talking mid-30s to early 40s… minimum. Not to age-shame, but if you're going to list “22,” at least try to land in the same decade.
Now, here’s the real kicker: the photos conveniently cropped out the tummy area. And I now know why. Her belly had more folds than a Japanese origami convention. Honestly, it had more presence than I did in that room. I’ve seen less sag in a hammock. If bellies could talk, hers would probably tell me to turn around and run.
Needless to say, the only “spice” I got out of this Indian dish was the burning desire to never order from this menu again.
NOTE: I asked ChatGPT to punch up my review — because if anyone can make my tragic experience funny, it’s an emotionally neutral robot with a gift for dark humor.
