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How do you get your head in the game?

How do you get your head in the game?
Gosh we all have a view on this question. So obviously - great question.

I would say: relax. You are not alone. Can you imagine how impossibly challenging it can be for the girls. We all know they mostly take time to warm up to us yet in a booking there fulfilment rate stays reliably at 100% (unless you get extra lucky and they piss all over you quite unexpectedly - refer other posts)

I think the point is for us men is to find out what it is inside us that motivates us to seek out “fucking hot women”. With that self knowledge you should not have any performance issues.

Personally I don’t really understand how I couldn’t feel extreme desire for them. And I enjoy every minute.

But then punting is a sport really and you will have good and bad days. Both in your own self and just bad matches. If you want to do well you need to understand what you are looking for but stay open I reckon to trying out different stuff.
When an SW teaches me something or shares their secret moves - I feel extremely flattered.
 
rastag33k said:
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Funnily I thought the same thing, as that used to work back in the day (not just punting, but in general), and it had the reverse effect.
So I tried with the full blessing of the SW, my mind was in the game, but mr happy refused to play.
But a good general thought, thank you.
 
rastag33k said:
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I couldn’t do that. I’d be (more) paranoid that the girls are laughing at me behind my back. When a girl cancels at the last moment because of some personal crisis (this happens alarmingly frequently to me in Mt Eden), it would take even more soothing words and offers of discounts to get me down from the ledge.

Of course, just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean it’s not true!
 
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daok said:
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As I said, actually tried it recently, with full knowledge of SW before, as usually having a wee smoke quiets my brain a bit.
So in a previous booking the SW said give it a try.
But sadly did not work, like I said mr happy would not come to the party.
Cannot 100% confirm that the smoke was to blame, but I think that I will avoid it moving forward, just on the off chance.

Paranoia has never been an issue for me when smoking the devil's lettuce.
But munchies and a while later sleepiness, deffo.
 
For a more serious answer. Give yourself a punting persona. Find a fun aspect of yourself – then lean into it – find joy in the moment – that spark of mischief within you - be the master of the fantasy you’re paying for. Remember the girl doesn’t spend her life approaching men in sexy lingerie dripping with sexuality – this is showtime – it’s all for you and you deserve it.

A tip in life. If you become overwhelmed in a situation, slowly remove yourself by imagining you’re watching yourself on TV or in a movie. (A sitcom in my case). Turn the picture quality/ brightness down, maybe make it black and white on a small shitty screen. Now you’re an observer, not really involved in this now amusing but distant scene – hardly something to stress about. If it’s a punting scene you're watching, just think how wonderful it is that such things are possible in the world you’re observing… what fun it would be to be in it!
 
Adrian said:
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Interesting question.
When I did it, I didn't partake of what I would consider too much (I'm a lightweight smoker these days ... but that might just be compared with when I was a Snoop Dog 'hey hey, smoke weed everyday' kind of person).
So you raise a good point that perhaps I over did it, without thinking that I was.
The SW in question did say "maybe you smoked too much", and she is a pretty switched on human being, so you may be onto something there.
I still have to say once bitten twice shy though with regards to puff puff punt.

But thanks for that, yet another food for thought post.
I must admit that I am really quite impressed with a lot of the posts on this question, I was expecting a bunch of fairly dismissive or glib responses, but the majority have instead been thoughtful and thought provoking.
 
I have a sex playlist that I listen to help me get in the mood. Also, I re-look at the photos of the girl I booked on whichever website I booked her from minutes before the booking. Makes me remember why I even booked her and it gets me excited for it.
 
Urchinfish said:
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The classics
Marvin Gaye - Sexual Healing and Let's get it on
Ginuwine - Pony and So anxious
John Mayer - Your body is a wonderland
Boyz II Men - I'll make love to you
Pitbull - Pretty much any song by Pitbull is about sex.

I also had some R. Kelly on it but removed it because of his problematic history.
 
Cheers for raising this question! I believe I have the same problem so unsure how any of this could be helpful but I am learning from people's responses.

In my case though, I think it is the sort of expected intimacy and knowing that it is a paid service that is causing the distracting thoughts. I guess there is also a hint of lack of self-confidence in that as well. Thinking that no way an extremely hot lady was into it even though she sounds, looks, and tells me that she does.

The only instances that allowed me to finish was more on focusing on myself (the stroke/movement that feels good for me) just to get me over the finish line. I do want to be able to make the lady feel good with foreplay and other things but keeping Mr. Happy up for longer is a challenge, but that's a separate issue lol. The anticipation helps for me: checking their pictures again and actively thinking about the lady and the coming session.
 
gingertea said:
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The psychology of why things do or don't work out as expected in a booking is something I will always enjoy learning about. After questioning the reasons and logic behind common anxiety inducing thoughts, I've learnt ways of reframing the scenario from scary or unpleasant, to feeling at ease and being on track and excited about the time together.


Instead of feeling uneasy or weird about having to pay a total stranger for sex, rather think of it as having a one night stand with some bonus insight about the encounter beforehand (knowing she allows rimming vs being disappointed when a spontaneous one night stand refuses it completely), and see the monetary transaction part of it as an absolute bargain, i bet plenty of u guys have wasted hundreds on a date before (dinner, movie, drinking etc) and then she decides she's not that keen on moving things to the bedroom after all. In fact, even if she does end up being keen, congrats now u have potentially signed up to a recurring subscription except sometimes ur cycle ends with sexual rewards, other times u just get drama and problems. There are ongoing costs of being in a relationship, even if u aren't spending money, ur still investing time and emotions etc. Whereas when ur with a good escort, u have managed to fast track the dating phase and gotten an immediate cheat code to a great time between the sheets. Without then committing any more resources afterwards, u just both go on with ur separate lives and no drama becomes attached to the encounter, it is just simply a genuinely enjoyable time.

And I do mean it for myself as well. I enjoy the variety of people I get to see, and find it exciting to discover what someone new enjoys. I personally don't want to date anyone so physical characteristics don't matter at all to me, it won't decide how much fun I may have. People stress themselves out over thinking what I think of them etc, when really all I'm thinking is what can I do to make this time great for u, but just be urself, this isn't a scary interview, as long as u have a respectful kind vibe, i can work around whatever anxieties u may have about urself. I present as confident and extroverted, I became this way through practice though, I'm still a nerd that feels much more comfortable chilling on my own reading up on recent science innovations in academic journals, u would never find me doing something like showing off to the world with friends on tiktok. So a socially awkward guy feels at home to me. But meeting a sport and gym fanatic makes me want to learn about the unknown, differences just intrique me, and all the personality layers of people kinda become blurred when we are just two naked people sharing a physical experience.

Sorry OP, that tangent may not actually relate to ur situation, seems ur issue is more about ur mind just not sticking in the present, disassociating from it, ur not distracted by anxieties filling ur mind as such. Makes me wonder if maybe just touch isn't enough, curious to see what happens if u found an escort that caters to fantasies, role play and dirty talk, u can use all those tools in a more out the box genuine way if that makes sense? I'd feel strange giving a student/principal scenario a go, yes my mind would now have better focus, but the focus makes the actual encounter feel like a gimmick instead of actual sex. Instead, it's more just giving more vocal responses to acts as it's happening "I love how ur boobs are bouncing" and vocalising what we are often already saying in our body language, "do u want me to fuck u deeper?" when she's pushing up against u and obviously the answer is yes. Maybe voicing these intuitions can help, but maybe not haha. Definitely will need to research common reasons behind a wandering mind during sexual activity n then better discover ways to bring u back to the present.

What a great question indeed
 
Jessica Rabbit said:
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No need to apologise.
That was a really interesting read.
And while yes it may not be fully applicable to my circumstance, I too like to learn new things and hear new perspectives.
That reply will very likely be something that gives someone else the tools that they might need, while clearly interested in seeing what I can do to resolve my issue, I'd like to think that others who may be more shy to ask such a question might be helped by this thread.
Also, some things for me to consider too.
I'm very grateful that you took the time to think about and write that.
Thank you for that very well considered response. :)
 
It is a very real question.
I sometimes watch a bit of porn, read some sexy stuff to get in the mood.

It is very true that the most important sex organ is the brain.

Back when I was younger and more nervous, I'd have a nice lunch with a beer or 2 before an afternoon punt, I'd be relaxed and happy for the main event.
I also believe in ******* supplements as a way to mildly help focus the mind, calm the brain.
 
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