A misogynist reviews a full service
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So it’s Sunday afternoon and I just got home from church, feeling really horny looking at all those MILFs in their Sunday best. But I don’t wanna head to a bar. Who wants to spend hundreds of dollars of drinks on a bitch, listening to her drone on about chick flicks and shopping? You gotta be nice to her, pretending you like her and are interested in her before you can get her home, bonk her brains out and send her packing.
Nah, I just wanted a one hour quicky. Well, probably less than that because I only last about two minutes before I bust my load.Thirty minutes will do.
So I jumped online to see what women were available. I see one there asking 100 bucks for half an hour. FS. She looks pretty hot. Nice tits. Nice ass.
So I call up the number and book half an hour… ask for her extras list. What? No spanking, hair pulling or light strangulation. How else am I supposed to get back at women for all the rejection I’ve had from them over the last 40 years? Besides, paying for extras is like tipping. Don’t wanna do that really.
But okay, she’s cheap, I’ll give her a punt.
So I pulled on my Stubbies and my old Twisted Sister T shirt and drove over there in my Falcon 500.
Immediately I’m pissed off because the nearest parking spot is 50 meters down the road. They’re really gonna make me walk that far to get there? Fuck! What a lousy agency. So I trudge up to the building.
Fuck! It’s near the street. What if my mother sees me walk in there? The old bird would have a stroke. She’s already ninety years old as it is. So I lower my MAGA cap over my eyes a little and slip in there.
So anyway, next I’m up in the room with her. She has a few pimples on her face. Knock her down to 6/10 for looks. I take my shower. I’d pee in there, but I wanna save that for now. I’ll shit later just to make it unpleasant for her and the next guy who comes along.
Well out in the room she’s naked on the bed. She doesn’t look exactly like her pics. She’s got nipple piercings for a start. Damn! And she has this little tattoo on the side of her butt. I hate tattoos. Knock her body down to 5/10. Oh her skin isn’t as unblemished as her pics either. 4/10
Then she starts talking. Trying to make me laugh and put me at ease. I don’t need that. If I wanna talk, I would have gone to the church picnic and talked to women there. Religious women are always up for an easy shag once you get them going. So I shove my one incher into her mouth to shut her up.
There, that’s more like it.
So anyway we’re getting into it and I’m down below. She’s missed a bit while shaving. Knock her down a point for body. And then I’m getting to her anus. Not tasty enough. Obviously she didn’t take a dump before the session.
1/10 now for body.
So anyway, I don’t wanna cum just yet and, so it’s time to move on to the main part. She gets on her back and opens her legs. Whoa what? She should be jumping on me riding me like a stallion by now. What a total starfish! Knocked her down to 5/10 for sex. No wait, 4/10 because her blowjob was average. I needed to give her a bit of instruction on how to massage it and stroke it. That’s the problem when you’re a tiny little guy like me. The girls don’t know what to do with it. They pretty much need tweezers.
So anyway, two minutes later I’m about to burst my load, so I pull out.
“Hey, slut, let me cum on your face,” I say.
‘Err no,” she says. “I don’t allow that.”
WTF? What’s a girl’s face without cum all over it and through her hair. Knock her down more points for looks.
“At least let me do COB.”
“Nope. I don’t allow that either.”
Fuck what type of girl can’t handle a bit of jizz on their titties? Knocking her down more points for sex.
“At least let me pee on you, you cunt!” I say.
“No fucking way!”
Ah, fuck, I have to demean this woman somehow. Where’s the fun if I can’t?
Anyway, clearly, this woman isn’t gonna let me humiliate her further. But no point in sticking my dick back in her pussy, because it’s just not tight enough for a man of my diminutive size, so I get her to continue jerking me off with her thumb and forefinger. And then I’m there. Inside the condom, but okay. Guess I wouldn’t want to pass my diseases on to her. I’m not that much of an asshole.
Anyway, crappy session. I went away unfulfilled as usual. Even wanking would have been more satisfying.
Not only that, I wasted 20 bucks on a Viagra tablet. Shit! Maybe I should have gone to that church picnic afterall.
At least I got to do another bad review, revealing as much detail as I can to embarrass her.
Face 1/10, Body 1/10, Sex 1/10. (Are we allowed to rate 0?)
Yours truly
A Misogynist
Nah, I just wanted a one hour quicky. Well, probably less than that because I only last about two minutes before I bust my load.Thirty minutes will do.
So I jumped online to see what women were available. I see one there asking 100 bucks for half an hour. FS. She looks pretty hot. Nice tits. Nice ass.
So I call up the number and book half an hour… ask for her extras list. What? No spanking, hair pulling or light strangulation. How else am I supposed to get back at women for all the rejection I’ve had from them over the last 40 years? Besides, paying for extras is like tipping. Don’t wanna do that really.
But okay, she’s cheap, I’ll give her a punt.
So I pulled on my Stubbies and my old Twisted Sister T shirt and drove over there in my Falcon 500.
Immediately I’m pissed off because the nearest parking spot is 50 meters down the road. They’re really gonna make me walk that far to get there? Fuck! What a lousy agency. So I trudge up to the building.
Fuck! It’s near the street. What if my mother sees me walk in there? The old bird would have a stroke. She’s already ninety years old as it is. So I lower my MAGA cap over my eyes a little and slip in there.
So anyway, next I’m up in the room with her. She has a few pimples on her face. Knock her down to 6/10 for looks. I take my shower. I’d pee in there, but I wanna save that for now. I’ll shit later just to make it unpleasant for her and the next guy who comes along.
Well out in the room she’s naked on the bed. She doesn’t look exactly like her pics. She’s got nipple piercings for a start. Damn! And she has this little tattoo on the side of her butt. I hate tattoos. Knock her body down to 5/10. Oh her skin isn’t as unblemished as her pics either. 4/10
Then she starts talking. Trying to make me laugh and put me at ease. I don’t need that. If I wanna talk, I would have gone to the church picnic and talked to women there. Religious women are always up for an easy shag once you get them going. So I shove my one incher into her mouth to shut her up.
There, that’s more like it.
So anyway we’re getting into it and I’m down below. She’s missed a bit while shaving. Knock her down a point for body. And then I’m getting to her anus. Not tasty enough. Obviously she didn’t take a dump before the session.
1/10 now for body.
So anyway, I don’t wanna cum just yet and, so it’s time to move on to the main part. She gets on her back and opens her legs. Whoa what? She should be jumping on me riding me like a stallion by now. What a total starfish! Knocked her down to 5/10 for sex. No wait, 4/10 because her blowjob was average. I needed to give her a bit of instruction on how to massage it and stroke it. That’s the problem when you’re a tiny little guy like me. The girls don’t know what to do with it. They pretty much need tweezers.
So anyway, two minutes later I’m about to burst my load, so I pull out.
“Hey, slut, let me cum on your face,” I say.
‘Err no,” she says. “I don’t allow that.”
WTF? What’s a girl’s face without cum all over it and through her hair. Knock her down more points for looks.
“At least let me do COB.”
“Nope. I don’t allow that either.”
Fuck what type of girl can’t handle a bit of jizz on their titties? Knocking her down more points for sex.
“At least let me pee on you, you cunt!” I say.
“No fucking way!”
Ah, fuck, I have to demean this woman somehow. Where’s the fun if I can’t?
Anyway, clearly, this woman isn’t gonna let me humiliate her further. But no point in sticking my dick back in her pussy, because it’s just not tight enough for a man of my diminutive size, so I get her to continue jerking me off with her thumb and forefinger. And then I’m there. Inside the condom, but okay. Guess I wouldn’t want to pass my diseases on to her. I’m not that much of an asshole.
Anyway, crappy session. I went away unfulfilled as usual. Even wanking would have been more satisfying.
Not only that, I wasted 20 bucks on a Viagra tablet. Shit! Maybe I should have gone to that church picnic afterall.
At least I got to do another bad review, revealing as much detail as I can to embarrass her.
Face 1/10, Body 1/10, Sex 1/10. (Are we allowed to rate 0?)
Yours truly
A Misogynist
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