Review Elle - Compulsive Liar
You're so fucking dumb you couldn't work out was Joey was saying. Joey believes Johnny, you dickhead.
Ironmonger
Man of Culture
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Hmm. Smoke. Fire.
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Who cares. Either way. Move on folks.
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Easy for you to say isn’t it? You didn’t have some demented SW troll spouting a bunch of lies.
I suspect you’re just gutless.
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Everyone is a jerk except for Johnnie. I get it.
Curiousminds
New Member
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Soooo has anyone got a review for her 
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Put away your popcorn and stop trying to start something?
With that said, if you wish to visit and review her on this forum, know that I support you.
Now if you'll excuse me, I got some popcorns to microwave
Post in thread 'Elle - back in chch???' https://sexforum.co.nz/threads/elle-back-in-chch.6288/post-66961
Ode to Johnny Mac and Elle (WGTN), a FAKE SATTIRE punt review:
So, decided to bite a bullet and book Elle for a 1 hour standard service. Blowjob and full sex. She messaged back and listed extras at my request.
-$50 I don't knock u out, dump you in the red zone hogtied with a face full of my superior woman turd.
-$50 you can talk or make other sounds during booking.
-$50 you don't have to constantly apologise during booking for being not only male, but the kind of disgusting fucked up worthless piece of shit male that pays incredible powerful unique goddess perfect woman sex workers to have sex.
Decided on $50 don't get beat up and shat on , no other extras.
Arrived 5 minutes early, and was told to stay in my fucking car until the agreed fucking time fucking loser male shit cunt. No problem, my bad.
Arrive at door and Elle is a masterpiece of indignation. Head tilted 45 degrees sideways. Hands on hips. Looks my up and down and rolls her eyes. Imagine your face when you put one of those super sour lollies in your mouth, and then remove all the liquid from your skin. Now double that. That's how tense she looked. "Hmmpf, just as I suspected, another fucking male."
So........, paperwork out of the way. Sent to have shower with plenty of cleaning goods available. Mouthwash, soap, electric toothbrush, floss, hand sanitizer, dettol, surgical iodine, and a metal scourer. I used all of them out of a deep concern that if she screwed her face up any tighter her cranium might implode.
Elle is fully clothed on the bed, and asks me to put most of my clothes back on, however I was allowed to leave my penis out so that I could self apply a somewhat unusual looking condom she gave me. It looks a lot like a balloon animal type ballon. I think it actually is one, it's a yellow one! It hurts but I'm too scared not to force it over. It turns a shade of green soon after its applied. Ready for the blowjob? You will never have had one like this." Elle struts her way to the far side of the room and asks me to point my penis in her general direction. She puckers her lips......and literally blows a puff of air towards me, with a similar intensity to how a 2 year old might blow out 2 candles, only minus the excitement and motivation.
She spits out the window, I'm guessing in case a quantum amount of nob flavour may have reflected back from the inside of the Dunlop cocoon.
"Alright then let's fucking get it over with". I could tell she was moist with anticipation. "Now the rules are that I....shall fuck you......you may not thrust.....you may not touch me with your dirty little man hands.....you may not moan/grunt/talk/whistle/whimper or try to sniff the air in the hope of enjoying my scent (disgusting worm). You will present your filthy pathetic excuse for an appendage , and I will place my vagina on to it. As it is a 60 minute booking, you will cum within 25 seconds or not cum at all. You break ANY of my fucking rules, and I will have the entire Wellington Roller derby team skate on your fucking balls until your scrotum is flattened enough to tear off and use as a leather purse to put the money you paid in. Do I make myself clear..... male?
I nod eagerly. Cause I'm terrified to do otherwise. She kneels on the bed and loads up her ******** MAGA page and a 24 second timer. She hikes up her faux denim skirt just enough to reveal a hole made in her undies just big enough to squeeze a nob thru but not enough to see anything. I struggle to feel aroused, but by now enough swelling has occurred from the strangulating condom that it's firm enough to try. She applies half a tube of glycerol. "Tip only mutherfucker". I oblige.
24 seconds passes quicker than expected, and I'm almost relieved when she pulls off and struts to the toilet to guff any trace of me out immediately.
I manage to remove the balloon, thank fuck my my Swiss army keyring! I'm sore, but strangely unsatisfied.
She ushers me to the door. She rips my wallet from my pants and rolls her eyes when she finds it empty "What? No tip? Cheap useless incel cunt fucking y-bromosome infected non-female waste of space. Oh well, I hated every second of this booking, but at least you kept to the rules. Tell you what I'll give you a $5 discount on your next booking."
I turn to face her at the doorway, and pluck up the courage to speak for the first time "............do you offer any domme services? .........'
"Of course I fucking don't you numbskull braindead male fuck head. Read the fucking advert properly you cunt. By the way, what's your name again?"
"I'm Johnny Mac. I told you we had never met before!!" Her eyelids disappear into her skull, and her now bloodshot eyeballs pop out and almost hit me in the face. I turn and start to sprint down the road, as I look back she is dropping behind, but is now wielding an actual rolling pin, which I am sure she has somehow magically transmutated from thin air using only the sheer intensity of her own man-hateful mind energy. Luckily I'm nimble enough to escape out of sight.
I run all the way home to my lazy boy leather recliner, and feel invigorated and alive.
Elle (wgtn)
Face = pH1
BJ 0/10
Sex 0/10
Sprint 1/10
So, decided to bite a bullet and book Elle for a 1 hour standard service. Blowjob and full sex. She messaged back and listed extras at my request.
-$50 I don't knock u out, dump you in the red zone hogtied with a face full of my superior woman turd.
-$50 you can talk or make other sounds during booking.
-$50 you don't have to constantly apologise during booking for being not only male, but the kind of disgusting fucked up worthless piece of shit male that pays incredible powerful unique goddess perfect woman sex workers to have sex.
Decided on $50 don't get beat up and shat on , no other extras.
Arrived 5 minutes early, and was told to stay in my fucking car until the agreed fucking time fucking loser male shit cunt. No problem, my bad.
Arrive at door and Elle is a masterpiece of indignation. Head tilted 45 degrees sideways. Hands on hips. Looks my up and down and rolls her eyes. Imagine your face when you put one of those super sour lollies in your mouth, and then remove all the liquid from your skin. Now double that. That's how tense she looked. "Hmmpf, just as I suspected, another fucking male."
So........, paperwork out of the way. Sent to have shower with plenty of cleaning goods available. Mouthwash, soap, electric toothbrush, floss, hand sanitizer, dettol, surgical iodine, and a metal scourer. I used all of them out of a deep concern that if she screwed her face up any tighter her cranium might implode.
Elle is fully clothed on the bed, and asks me to put most of my clothes back on, however I was allowed to leave my penis out so that I could self apply a somewhat unusual looking condom she gave me. It looks a lot like a balloon animal type ballon. I think it actually is one, it's a yellow one! It hurts but I'm too scared not to force it over. It turns a shade of green soon after its applied. Ready for the blowjob? You will never have had one like this." Elle struts her way to the far side of the room and asks me to point my penis in her general direction. She puckers her lips......and literally blows a puff of air towards me, with a similar intensity to how a 2 year old might blow out 2 candles, only minus the excitement and motivation.
She spits out the window, I'm guessing in case a quantum amount of nob flavour may have reflected back from the inside of the Dunlop cocoon.
"Alright then let's fucking get it over with". I could tell she was moist with anticipation. "Now the rules are that I....shall fuck you......you may not thrust.....you may not touch me with your dirty little man hands.....you may not moan/grunt/talk/whistle/whimper or try to sniff the air in the hope of enjoying my scent (disgusting worm). You will present your filthy pathetic excuse for an appendage , and I will place my vagina on to it. As it is a 60 minute booking, you will cum within 25 seconds or not cum at all. You break ANY of my fucking rules, and I will have the entire Wellington Roller derby team skate on your fucking balls until your scrotum is flattened enough to tear off and use as a leather purse to put the money you paid in. Do I make myself clear..... male?
I nod eagerly. Cause I'm terrified to do otherwise. She kneels on the bed and loads up her ******** MAGA page and a 24 second timer. She hikes up her faux denim skirt just enough to reveal a hole made in her undies just big enough to squeeze a nob thru but not enough to see anything. I struggle to feel aroused, but by now enough swelling has occurred from the strangulating condom that it's firm enough to try. She applies half a tube of glycerol. "Tip only mutherfucker". I oblige.
24 seconds passes quicker than expected, and I'm almost relieved when she pulls off and struts to the toilet to guff any trace of me out immediately.
I manage to remove the balloon, thank fuck my my Swiss army keyring! I'm sore, but strangely unsatisfied.
She ushers me to the door. She rips my wallet from my pants and rolls her eyes when she finds it empty "What? No tip? Cheap useless incel cunt fucking y-bromosome infected non-female waste of space. Oh well, I hated every second of this booking, but at least you kept to the rules. Tell you what I'll give you a $5 discount on your next booking."
I turn to face her at the doorway, and pluck up the courage to speak for the first time "............do you offer any domme services? .........'
"Of course I fucking don't you numbskull braindead male fuck head. Read the fucking advert properly you cunt. By the way, what's your name again?"
"I'm Johnny Mac. I told you we had never met before!!" Her eyelids disappear into her skull, and her now bloodshot eyeballs pop out and almost hit me in the face. I turn and start to sprint down the road, as I look back she is dropping behind, but is now wielding an actual rolling pin, which I am sure she has somehow magically transmutated from thin air using only the sheer intensity of her own man-hateful mind energy. Luckily I'm nimble enough to escape out of sight.
I run all the way home to my lazy boy leather recliner, and feel invigorated and alive.
Elle (wgtn)
Face = pH1
BJ 0/10
Sex 0/10
Sprint 1/10
Last edited:
Glorious!!
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I believe Joey believes Johnny is a dickhead
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You’re not Amber, you’re clearly not Alice Blake, but whoever you are, welcome to my ignore list.
