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How to maintain boundaries

How to maintain boundaries
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gwenkm9

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Wolf
Dec 22, 2024
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Hi, I am new to punting and I am reaching out to you guys for an assistance.
There was a SW I regularly visited and I would make an appointment with just her every week. From pillow talk to the act, everything was perfect. Enjoyed every second of it.
I understand it is her job to provide intimacy but I have started to grow personal feelings for her over time.
To the experience punters, how do you guys maintain professionalism and respect her privacy to keep this mutual "business" relationships..
Thank you.
 
gwenkm9 said:
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This is an age old problem unfortunately. A couple of suggestions:

1. See other SWers - look to them for perspective

2. This one is a bit harsh. Search for any reviews of this person and read them - the more detailed the better. There is nothing more sobering than reading about other people having sex with a person you feel something for.

PS. You use the past tense with respect to her. Is there a reason for that?
 
SheSaidWhat said:
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Hi, thank you for your time reading my thread with your thoughtful advice.
I will take your advice and regather myself.

Replying to your comment in regard to using past tense, I crossed the boundary and confessed about my current feelings. Next time when I tried to book her, she cancelled her shift. And this is when I realised it was her job to provide intimacy and I got myself into an illusion. Lesson learnt the hard way..
 
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gwenkm9 said:
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The dynamics of punting and SWers is fraught - I am still navigating that after a couple of decades - and so I wouldn't be too harsh on yourself.

They are not paid for intimacy. If they extend that to you it is because you have earned their trust. You would be astonished at the level of warmth and connection someone will extend you for the simplest of human decency. Being polite when texting, respectful in the room, not aggressive, not haggling, not asking for services not offered. In my experience SWers will extend you warmth and intimacy and even connection (if that is what you want) because they are comfortable you won't abuse them, and will make their "day at the office" easier. Don't underestimate how vulnerable SWers are when they open the door to have sex with someone they have barely texted with.

That said - as you have found out - that doesn't make it grounds for a relationship.

However, don't shy away from intimacy in the future. Savour it. Enjoy it in the room. Look forward to it on subsequent visits. Feel good that the SWer is trusting of you. Be thankful for it - the SWer may retire, move city. Hence see others if for no other reason than you have a back-up plan. But yes, recognize there are always boundaries.
Good luck on your journey!
 
If you are still paying to fuck her, nothing is going to happen outside her work. If she likes you beyond work, she will find ways to let you know. As someone has mentioned here, see other girls and realise that whatever she does with you she also does with other punters who pay her. This is a hobby man, don't take it seriously. Anyway, good on you to be at least self aware that you need to enforce your own boundaries to protect yourself.
 
gwenkm9 said:
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In some ways sounds like the prefect booking she was so good you couldn't tell the difference between her professionalism and believing you had developed an inimate personal relationship. If your happy to share where she works please PM , would like to make a booking to contribute to her business.
 
gwenkm9 said:
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That's the answer to your question right there. First time you knew that but you didn't understand it. Now you do. Don't forget it.

The girl did you two big favors, she showed you how supremely well the job can be done (as a result of her professionalism AND the respect with which you were treating her) and, when she became aware of your misunderstanding, she stopped things. You may not fully appreciate it yet, but the second favor was bigger than the first. It saved you from falling further, at a cost to her of a regular source of income. Remember her fondly for both. But leave her in the past.

Going forward, follow SheSaidWhat's advice.
 
This is a dilemma most punters face, often early in their punting career. A lot of endorphins get released during sex so it’s ******* you start feeling a bond to a woman you are having sex with, especially if she is good at what she does, you have great rapport and you are having a great time. However, it is important to maintain perspective.

Although a SW is offering a more intimate service than a doctor or accountant does, she is still a professional offering a professional service so there are professional boundaries you should both respect. I love having banter and jokes with my doctor when I see him but I don’t invite him over to my place for a bbq or to watch rugby like I would with friends because it’s a professional relationship.

This is not to say your escort just cynically sees you as a source of money. She probably actually did like you and appreciated your visits. But in the sense you are a very fun person to meet at work - similar to how a shop keeper or other service provider has a customer or client who lights up their day when they visit, rather than as a potential romantic partner.

Maintaining this professional boundary is actually a really good thing for both parties. It means whenever you see your sex worker, you are seeing her when she is at her professional best when she is dedicated to ensuring you are having a good time. Unlike with a real girlfriend you don’t see her when she is grumpy and just wants to stay at home in an old track suit rather than in sexy lingerie, or on her period , doesn't feel like sex or is having a bit of a bad day like all people have sometimes. You get to have the perfect woman on tap whenever you need her in return for some money and showing her respect and courtesy. This is a special thing and don't get it mingled with your personal life.

In fact I would use building the rapport, social skills and sex expertise with a SW to boost your personal life outside of punting. It will give you transferrable skills when you date other women. Just don't let your dating life get confused with your punting life.
 
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SheSaidWhat said:
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This is excellent advice. For (1) I have a few escorts and sensual masseuse I really love visiting. It stops me falling in love with just one of them or getting illusions.

(2) Is a great way to avoid any illusions. I have a regular whom I feel very close with. She gives a great service and we have great chemistry and rapport. It is hard to not get a bit doe eyed around her but then I came on sex forum and found basically every bloke who visits her feels the same and she does dirty things for them too. She is awesome at her job and I feel so happy whatever is happening in my life, I can visit a great woman like her. Rather than seeing her as a potential romantic partner I see her as my professional muse who gives me a boost when I visit her.
 
gwenkm9 said:
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not saying a romantic relationship with SWs can't happen because they do happen, they are human too and just like other professions, romance does happen at work. But, how many of your own relationships stem from your work? Probably not many. Anyway, as I said, if they really like you more than a customer they WILL let you know one way or another. In absence of these signs, keep scrolling NZG and Escortify lol.
 
This is the reason why I usually avoid seing sex workers more than once. Or at least I don't do regulars. You have to kind of respect the fact that it's a job for them and its really just about the money and its never going to be more than that.

Sure some of the better sex workers see themselves as providing a service for men giving them what they may not be able to get elsewhere so they also provide intimacy (rather the majority that do nothing more than just sell their bodies). But you have to realise that what she does for you she is doing for her other clients as well. It's just fantasy.
 
gwenkm9 said:
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I actually seriously doubt she ghosted you because you told her you loved her.
SWs will be more adept at handling that sort of scenario.
Money is more important to her than an infatuation situation.
There is very likely another reason she canceled her shift. You may have constructed this in your head. She might be wondering why you disappeared.
Have you tried making another booking ?
Give it a try and if successful tell her you have come to your senses and will be more mindful of the boundaries in future.
 
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