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Question to married punters

JohnnyPunter said:
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This type of thinking is why some of y’all just cant have nice things smh, regardless why does it matter in the first place if she theoretically were having sex for free and he was paying workers? Still it’s the same outcome whether they’re both fucking for free, both paying to fuck or one is paying whilst the other is getting for free. That outcome is that they’re both happy, both are satisfied sexually (or not if that’s what one or the other wishes) and ultimately both are content & able to remain together in there relationship and have everything be civil rather then the two being at each others throats!
 
I'll contribute a bit:

Happily married for several years with a baby at the moment. Been together for 15 years altogether.

She's never had the same sex drive as myself and now with the baby sex is around 2 times a month. Still, it's good, passionate sex which satisfies both of us but I need a bit more and don't want to make it an unnecessary issue when I know she's trying her best.

So, for that end, I've a permission to punt every now and then but not allowed to discuss about it - she doesn't want to know. I'm also making sure not to cause trouble as in bring in STI's or spend the family budget on punting. Works out quite well as long as the rules are followed. I'm happy, family's happy, and that's all you need, right?

I recommend being open about these things for better or worse, that fixes trust and takes care of unnecessary issues allowing to lead a happy marriage. At the end of the day, in my opinion, monogamous marriages are an invention and love/sex should be celebrated.
 
JohnnyPunter said:
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By being brutally honest about your needs and who you are from the get to. Also, while you can accommodate another person if they're dear to you, you must not change for anyone else, only for yourself. And you need to be as brutally honest about this as of anything else.

If she leaves, then it is what it is; chin up and off to find someone else, but at least neither of you have wasted any more time than that.

We have a habit (generally speaking) of trying to win over and please, or even lie about ourselves to others. I think this is alright for casual stuff, but for finding a long time partner, never compromise on that. After all, you'll hopefully spend a long time with this person so you need to take the risk of early rejection, or if you're far enough, divorce. If something casual turns into an interest, then start being honest. I think once your partner knows you're real then the trust is there even if you do punt because you're not hiding yourself and will still be there as a support through life.

That being said, I've also stated very early on that my heart is big enough for many and I wouldn't mind a polygamous arrangement at all, but that's something that's culturally shunned upon making it hard to make happen. Circling back to the pleasing part of this post here and how that's a problem if you do find women who are open to that (but are actually not).

Something like that: be brutally honest and take the responsibility for whatever comes. It will not kill you.
 
LawernceOfaLabia said:
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I'm getting to the brutally honest stage, 14 month dry spell at home. figured if it gets close to 2 years imma just tell her to open the marriage or end it. She's got the nag to gag ratio all wrong. And I do more than fair share due to her disability. i had a higher libido pre her injury. But the difference is now a gaping chasm due to a perfect storm of circumstances means I'd be effectively celibate inside the marraige.
 
goose8585 said:
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I just left. Once they start the no sex game it's over. They don't respect you anymore. Why on earth would you stay with a woman who denies sex.
What's in it for you at that stage.
Once that starts it will only get worse. Just go, she can get someone else to pay her Bill's. I just came home from work one day around 6pm. I said I'm leaving. She was shocked. Took me a few months to adjust but then I was flying. After 6 months I joined a dating club. Hooked up with some nice women who were more than keen for the good things in life. Invariably after a while they wanted a relationship and I didn't so that's how I morphed into punting.
Moral of the story. Don't be a whipping boy for a woman who doesn't respect you enough to meet your needs. There are plenty of women around who will be happy with your attention.
 
This thread is really quite depressing. It makes me realise how complicated relationships can get, especially when intimacy fades in a marriage. I guess in some ways, I’m one of the lucky ones or maybe the unlucky ones, depending on how you look at it. I’m pushing my 40s now and have never been in a serious relationship, never had a wife or long-term partner. It’s not that I haven’t had opportunities, but being introverted makes it difficult. Meeting new people feels draining, especially when I know deep down I’m not interested in pursuing anything serious with them.

For me, seeing escorts fills that space. I crave intimacy and connection like anyone else, but without the emotional complexity or permanence that comes with a traditional relationship. It’s not perfect, but it works for me. If I start catching feelings, I move on to the next. It’s a clean break, no messy emotional baggage, no hurt feelings. It keeps things simple and in control, which is how I prefer it.

I do sometimes wonder what my therapist would think about all this. Would they say I’m protecting myself, avoiding vulnerability or that I’ve just found a way to meet my needs on my own terms? I’m not sure, and honestly, I’m not sure I want to know.
 
punter said:
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I'm in a similar boat myself, have been in relationships before but usually end them before the 2 year mark. Could get a relationship realitivly easy if I wanted but I just like my space and alone time. Seeing escorts (or sugar babies) helps with the urges. One thing I do miss is the intimacy and emotional connection which you don't get from escort. But after reading some of the posts in this thread it sounds like some dudes don't even have that in a marriage or relationship anyway 🤣
 
goose8585 said:
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Mate, you're just building resentment within yourself for setting the finish line at 2 years. 14 months no sex is unacceptable. Especially for her to be denying you sex, and all up in your phone doing surveillance because she doesn't trust you.

start giving her some attitude I reckon. "If you want it to be yours, then you better take care of it".

and also you gotta get over the idea of losing half your shit/business. Who cares about that. Half your shit is a cheap price to pay
 
Had been married for 30 odd years talked to mrs about getting a bit of adventure in our sex life she wasn’t keen but suggested I see sw’s to scratch that itch. Once I started and developed yellow fever unfortunately the marriage was doomed. We had a good life together and lots of sex so I can’t use withholding sex as an excuse for the urge to look elsewhere. If I had the chance to turn back the clock I probably would’ve kept my cock in the marriage, you don’t realise what you have until it’s gone.
 
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